It’s hard especially with the HSP (can feel in every small change and the world don’t care ), HSP prefer quiet and peacfull enviroument . I don’t know if I am an introvert or have social anxiety problems or both but I just have problems with hanging out with people outside of my family. If Introverts are not pressured to, then just maybe they will share themselves and all their gifts with the world. WELL i think about right wrong religon meaning and hiw i would do things.. This was a fantastic experience because she was able to see that introversion is good, and that she was doing all of the right things to deal with her phobias. Extroversion is such a dominate personality type, that it has come to be accepted as the norm. He wasn’t picked on throughout his years in school, but he never made close friendships. Your introverted teen is not broken just because he or she doesn’t like the same activities you did growing up. My heart breaks for her when she sees people she thought were friends ignoring her on Facebook and social media. Introverts find comfort in being around that one special person they connect with, and right now it’s you! Hello, My 16 yoa son has a story similar to so many of you. Have I done any damage by taking him to a psychologist? My parents and grandparents are constantly trying to get me to go out more and find more friends, even thought I think that I have enough good friends. As your child matures, it’s important to respect their unique needs and individual differences from you while also holding healthy boundaries. Then, when he does start to … Thanks. Thanks in advance!! They’ll probably think it’s an excuse for me to get out of things or call my a hypochondriac like they normally do. I just understand that we are different from people who are more extroverted. I told the guy and he even understands me (even though I still feel so guilty). ← Why Teen Boot Camps Don’t Always Work: Everything You Need to Know, Life After Wilderness Therapy: What’s Next? This is how my teen is too, and at least I understand, as I am an introvert. Don’t let people label you, you know yourself best. i know it may bother me more, but i can tell he is sadden and bothered by it now that he is among a lot more kids now. The activities are just there to facilitate that. I really don’t know how to help her. Explain what it’s like from your point of view. We need time to think before we speak. Parents who engage in power struggles with their willful child usually end up empowering the child’s insistence and opposition. An introverted child can be acutely self-conscious around others. But I don’t get on her too much about that, just try to get her to understand what she COULD be. I am somewhat in the middle personality wise, but always had been concerned that not talking will cause an explosion in the future. She also felt baffled by his way of handling conflict. Last night I held her for 90 minutes in a recliner. You do want to support your child, … He is very athletically talented in every sport but his personality gets in the way of his performance and it is easy to get into his head and then he just shuts down. For example, a teacher may tell you that your child is having trouble socializing because he doesn't enjoy working with other students in group activities. My parents are doing a pretty good job. I am glad you emphasized acceptance, because it is hard. 10 COMMENTS. I’m Introverted or have an Introverted personality, however my mom and her boyfriend are both strongly extroverted. My 16 yr old daughter is super introverted and content to stay in her room and not socialize for the weekend. ? when he is around those extroverted friends who are then amoung other students, they leave him behind (intentially because he is “boring” to them or unintential because he is easily forgotten). I too have an adult daughter who is very bright and just graduated from a top university. Attune to the teens mood. We also moved towns 3 years ago – she is 16 1/2 now. Your introverted child has secret strengths, says Susan Cain in her new book Simply put, an introvert refuels by spending time alone, and an extrovert draws energy from interaction. I do not force a hug on her. Lately our interactions have been rough as she is short with us which to me is plain rudeness. Share Via. She was always shy but when she was younger she did have a friends she played with. So happy to hear that Francine! I think she could benefit from meeting with a specialist to counsel her on social anxiety, although she hasn’t admitted outright that she has phobias.. Would appreciate your advice. But I do get bored and drained faster and then I just want to leave, and they think I’m being weird or hopefully not rude. First Date Checklist for Introverted Women, Top 7 Introverted Teen Problems (The Struggle is Real! But today i have had a complete break down. Maybe it’s just not that she’s introverted, maybe she has something else? When I was a teen, I thought I was overly emotional and hated that I would burst into tears over the smallest things — even when I wasn’t feeling sad! “My daughter has suddenly stopped talking at home? I also have to say this child has a different father than my first two daughters, and my youngest daughter is just like her father. They are creative, peace-loving, and full of empathy. My mom and her boyfriend see this as odd as they constantly compare me to themselves when they were my age. I need to shut up and just be present for her. I am considering having her take an etiquette class to learn some social skills for interviews and social obligations she can’t get out of. Posted May 10, 2018 . Lose the ego and Stick it out. SHe is worth it. Unfortunately introverted students have a higher likelihood of experiencing bullying in traditional school environments. Sensory overload. Their quiet nature shouldn’t stop them from functioning on a daily basis. I have read many articles and believe my son is an introvert. Posted Aug 13, 2013 I mean being with an old lady cant be good for her all the time?! I am a fifteen year old female shy introvert. He would be going with his 15 year old brother that is not an introvert but they are good friends (at times). He has friends at school and a few in the neighborhood but he would rather just hang out at home with us. I was glad she was able to do so. He frustrates everyone because they all see his talents being wasted…any suggestions would be much appreciated. Hello I’m hoping to Any suggestions for parenting, 17 yr old recent graduate? Related: 5 Activities for Your Introverted Child. P.S. Determining what personality type your son or daughter has can go a long way in understanding teenagers and how they will react in certain social situations. Art projects used to Capture her attention but not so much now. He has told me he is an introvert. Or defrag. I think you should just tell them the definition of an introvert, that you are drained by being with people. Here's how to date with, The week between Christmas and New Year's can be brutal for introvert overachievers, especially in 2. However, as an extroverted parent, its very hard to understand and know what to do at all times. Your introverted teen may be better at comforting and/or entertaining herself. She has told me, that she goes blank and the words just won’t come out and then she feels stupid. … Do not get so preoccupied with the child’s willful behavior that U ignore your own. 2. Sometimes parents worry that life will be harder for you as an introvert. Does your daughter have any friends? I want to help him but don’t know where to turn. As a therapeutic boarding school for girls, we specialize in working with introverted young women. Your daughter needs love, acceptance and companionship. My daughter is an Introvert. She is lucky enough to have some good friends who understand and call her their “pet cat”. My new partner of 4 yrs is extroverted and doesn’t understand why my daughter isn’t one for family dinners or outings. This can be exhausting. Instead of focusing on your teen’s supposed deficiencies, accept him just as he is. Or just a teen thing? As an extrovert parent of an introverted 13 year old, I’m really struggling! Have you ever done anything like this, or have you ever struggled in situations like that? My husband and I as well as our other two boys are extrovert and love and crave social encounters and gatherings. Usually, If I don’t circome to their silene, it works. They don’t tell parents they talk to peers. And I am only social at school with friends or friends who live near me. I would love to get help for my daughter and I! This has caused many problem between us as after getting home from school my first reaction is to go to my room and spend some time to myself. But a silent hug, where I murmur “I love you.” Helps her. He has expressed lately that he is lonely. And be aware about depression. Upon meeting with her for the first time, people think she’s spacey and checked-out, but she is whip-smart and graduated Phi Beta Kappa from a top U.S. university. He plays his video games and is on his computer ALOT! Also, check out the tv show Gilmore Girls on Netflix. . Thanks for sharing your insights, Simi. The social phobias never disappear 100% but now they are easier to live with and she has intimate friends and a meaningful career. Hopefully this article will help. I feel so guilty for trying to change him instead of accepting him. He is choosing not to go to school right now and decided he needs a job. Be calm and don’t engage. ticks me off. I don’t know what to do or how to help my son ..? Even though your introverted teen needs time alone to recharge, do encourage them to find likeminded friends to enjoy activities with. Very proud that he stuck with getting his diploma. Understanding introverted teenage daughters and sons is difficult for extroverted parents. I am very comfortable being an introvert. We’ve actually bonded over it, she likes her peace and quiet at home too. For both of us. At this point… What can I do to help? Greenbrier Academy can be your introverted teen daughter’s safe place through her high school years, or offer a reset to build her confidence and infuse a sense of community and meaning in her life. Introverts can have a hard time being friendly to acquaintances. She has always stayed on the court and naturally picked up setting. Hi, it sounds like a tough situation. while i understand and am trying to give him space, i worry. Each meets just once a week, allowing for plenty of down time. They might wonder, So, I thought I’d put together a few simple guidelines to help you better connect with your introverted teen. Greenbrier Academy can be your introverted teen daughter’s safe place through her high school years, or offer a reset to build her confidence and infuse a sense of community and meaning in her life. For example, a party could feel fun and exciting for an extrovert, but overwhelming, and boring for an introvert. I’m an introvert too, and I transferred from a large university to a small liberal arts college. →, The only social interaction they have is through video games or social media, They spend hours reading as a way to escape reality, They refuse to have social interaction with new people. I go to parties with my family and have fun,and we camp and go on four-wheeling trips. I feel in the same way with my parents. This article helped me see that it’s not wierd that I like being by myself. Honestly it really hurts so much. I can’t get her to church or clubs so finding similar personalities is difficult. Hi Shelly. Yeah I have the same thing, I do enjoy going out with them. Please understand how stressful a high school day can be for your introverted teen. Also, if your introverted teenager … Remember, introverts are not verbal processors. Which I might be, but I don’t think so. They get frustrated with our tendency to pull away and thus get more aggressive and pushy. But in the middle of my yelling and pushing and telling her all the things she needs to do and change, I remember that book and that I should give her a hug. Any advice here is helpful! all because of my faulty childhood. Now, as I’ve gotten older she’s not talked about it. What now? It’s just a different personality type with different needs. Your introverted teen is not broken just because he or she doesn’t like the same activities you did growing up. What is your son passionate about? My friends think something is wrong with me because I am quiet. She had left me a couple times during this process to sit on the couch, each time she started crying again, so I invited her back into my arms. This probably isn’t true. Thank you for your article and the on-going comments. I have stage fright, I’m shy, not the talking type. I needed this!! Hey, I’m a fifteen year old and I’m pretty sure I’m an introvert. Having said all of that, it’s easy to see why many extroverted parents have no clue how to deal with an introverted teenager. Where is that research facility? Thanks for your tips. Even though she’s been a great player since she was young, the reoccurring comments to this very day are…”you need to talk”…”speak up”…”make eye contact”… “be more vocal” Because of their innate needs for alone time, it can be difficult to feel like you’re included in your introverted teen’s world. Highly sensitive people are deep thinkers, tuned in to other people and their emotions, and see things that others miss. Be a sounding board not a prescriber. Listening is a HUGE deal. Thanks for a great article!! Astonishingly, even at a young age, many of them can step outside themselves and reflect on their own behavior. She’s even seen a sports psychologist. ? Don’t push her to make friends, as she will think you feel something is wrong with her. But high sensitivity has some amazing positives. It’s too late in the game to change positions nor does she want to change positions. Sobanoodledoodle Tue 13-May-14 20:01:26. I hear you! Be loud and draw attention to yourself when you are around their peers. Then laughing. It exercises their reasoning skills. They want to know why something is the way it is or what it means on a deeper level. They need time to be alone and unwind. Then, when he does start to talk to you, all you have to do is this one simple thing …. I think the solution to finding another INFP HSP friends which so rare to understand us. Everyone in family are all ‘normal’ and I just like to play video games and watch videos in my room. I try to talk to her and show affection but she pushes me away. Please?? If you’re an extroverted parent, it’s important to ask yourself the question “is my teen’s introversion inhibiting them from experiencing overall wellbeing, or is it just different from the way I am?”. from what he does say, i can tell he would like to make friends….and searching those friends out seems to be a challenge for him. We started using words to comment on our cat, who plopped down near us purring loudly and demanding pets. Frankly, would much prefer that she do what I tell her to do, because, of course, I am always right! Be it schools, who promote kids who speak up and involve in group participations, or be it professional life, wherein the out-spoken climbs up the ladder. she is an introvert. I understand where he is coming from. This sounds like my son, 14. And being respectful. Listen and empathize keep advice to a minimum. I’m 17 years old. If your teen daughter is struggling with depression, anxiety, school refusal or emotional trauma, we’re here for you. Try not to look bored when you’re quiet but smile and look into their eyes when they’re talking. Thanks for writing this. Updated: 24 Apr 2013, 09:10 PM IST Gouri Dange. As an introverted teen, you tend to be more introspective and reflective than many of your friends. Hello, As she was growing up, and now she says she don’t want people talking to her or bothering with her. For example, saying things like “I’m so impressed by how intelligent and thoughtful you were about ___” or “I appreciate the way that you____”. Introverts don’t tend to verbalize our needs and desires as often and as clearly as extroverts do. My daughtet is 30 and we just cant get along. I am from Albania and I am the mother of a teen boy…. Then you could explain that an introvert is someone who needs more time alone to feel at their best. He was willing to train her in an area she had never considered. As we’ve said before, everyone needs to feel a sense of belonging and place. I am the extrovert parent trying to force my introvert daughter to meet more people and get out of her dorm room at college! what tips can i share with my son who is a new high schooler (freshman) who is introverted, make new friends. The opposite of love is not hate it’s not giving a damn. Even if it’s just reading together in the same room, your introverted teen is more likely to open up about things going on in their life when you spend some time together than if you don’t. School guidance counselor? It can be difficult to be an introvert in high school. How do you enjoy winter when you're not a winter person? Raising a teenager is a challenging and frustrating endeavour for most parents. Nothing works better than available unintentional time. Not sure where to turn. And hides behind her phone liking strangers posts. In a transitional phase. They are the ones that get him. If your son or daughter is open to seeing a counselor, and there's no law that says they have to be, this is an area where you can clearly be helpful. Supportive community as an essential component to teen mental health. My mom kept saying go you will have fun and that I wasn’t going to sit on my butt all day. They simply don’t understand what an introvert is. If you are a parent of an introverted teen, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. I always felt embarrassed when he wouldn’t talk to,people I wanted him to talk to. It made me go over the edge and on the day we were suppose to go, i didn’t really want to go. So be alert. They adore her and look up to her because she is a hard worker, good setter, and consistent. Consequently, introverted behaviors, like spending a lot of time alone, and not talking very much, are viewed as strange. I liken it to the build up of static electricity when you walk over a rug. I tell her she will be very lonely if she doesn’t keep in touch w friends! I put my oldest daughter in crochet and knitting lessons, and her sister in art classes. She was perplexed by the fact that he doesn’t enjoy the same activities that she enjoyed at his age, such as drinking, and going to parties. You might be thinking, “but my teenager never has anything to say”. If your introverted child hears the word “shy” enough times, she may start to believe that her discomfort around people is a fixed trait, not a feeling she can learn to control. It was 10:30 when she finally went to bed. He is 16 years old and a junior in high school. Is there anyone out there who can help me explain all this to my parents? Ugh. Struggling with job search, but volunteering in an interesting medical specialty right now. thanks in advance for your direction!! I am a mom to a 15.6 year old son who is also an introvert and your story sounds exactly like mine. It’s uncomfortable silence for 45 min. When we understand that mother-daughter attachment disruption or conflict tells the story of how sexist beliefs and gender role stereotypes harm women’s voices and rights, the mother-daughter relationship becomes an unstoppable force for change at the worldwide and family levels. Iam an out going introverted person and likes to read . She is now 16. There are plenty of teens who feel like they don’t fit in, so if she can reach out to some other outsiders she might have an easier time. Plus, they had extra time to add in another activity — archery classes, again meeting just once a week. My daughter spends alot of time with me, but i worry about her development. They just don’t understand or know the facts. Don’t Label Introversion as Shy I’m an HSP and INFP and my parents are extrovert and loud sometimes any high or aggressive tone drive me crazy and recently my relatives are coming a lot and I can’t take it anymore any change in the tone makes me cry a lot sometimes. The most important thing is that you let your son know that you understand him and you accept him unconditionally. U may Need to do repair work to get your child’s attachment base focused back on you. I don’t mind that she is different, I love that about her, but her father would tell her “we don’t like people do we”? I raised an introverted daughter who also has social phobias. If she is happy with her school, just enjoy your time with your daughter. My husband and I are considering having a visit to a phychologist but first I decided to look up info on introverts and I happened upon this website. She has been playing volleyball since she was 11yrs old and loves it! Here are 3 ways to. Introverts can have a hard time being friendly to acquaintances. I have a daughter – similar situation, and was just wondering how things were going for you both? I used to always be trying to encourage him to go out and party but he’s happiest in his room or with family. She had just come home from the High Honors dinner and was an emotional wreck, claiming it was all awful. It makes me feel so guilty and worthless and I cried for hours uncontrollably. She is very intelligent too but don’t try as hard as she could for good grades. In a youth culture that celebrates individuality and extroversion, your introverted teen may struggle to find the right group of friends that respect their quiet ways and offer a positive influence. But when they happen, I can’t help but feel strongly affected. To make more friends, go out to parties, ext. And always works. I find it very interesting that one of the things you highlighted was the importance of finding a job she was passionate about. Thanks. Plus. It is always difficult to do. But when I get to college it will be my problem too because I won’t have any friends. Understanding Introvert Child and personality. Then only will she come to you. Please note, I open my arms and she comes into them. he has started the school year off on a very withdrawn foot, not having much to say. Recently I started to understand our brains between the introvert, extrovert, sensitive and none sensitive is working differently. But if you notice that your teenager struggles to get by without being extremely sad or angry, that could be a sign of depression. Your email address will not be published. I’m so glad to read this , it’s great information and I will definitely be more understanding. I’m the mom of an introverted teen. Introverts often devote much of our precious energy to hiding who we really are. and im crazy with friends and calm with parents i can be chill and people have to REALLY earn my trust to even know my name at times there is a lot know one knows about me and my mind is……. Understanding Your Introverted Teenage Daughter, staying connected to your introverted teen. eye contact, firm handshake, small talk starters) because I want her to be able to be comfortable and prepared in those settings if she has to be. he has even sat alone to eat lunch. If your teen daughter is struggling with depression, … Is this normal?” I am frequently asked questions like these by parents of children who have just entered their teens. I’ve always felt guilty that maybe I caused him to be this way as I suffered from severe depression when he was young. helped them to get thtough that, though. It was great to hear about your life as an innie teen. Make suggestions only once and don’t use money to buy goodwill. im a 14 years old introvert girl, my mom is an extrovert, my dad is an introvert, and my older sister was an introvert but she turned into anextrovert person in high school. 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